miss me?

It's been quite a few months since my last entry, you know. Around the time of my last post was when I had my first surgery- I guess I was preoccupied with other things: learning to walk again, finishing my school work so I can finally graduate high school, trying to find a place for myself in the world and figure out where exactly I will live next year. And then repeating that whole process; the second surgery, the red tape and confusion at school, and the rejection call from City Year Louisiana.

I never did go to Shasta, or Santa Barbara. I stayed home and limped around the house.

I have some pretty crazy scars now. My ankle, calf, and knee are all marked up. Maybe that makes me look scary. The scars are fresh and red like I got in to a fight just yesterday, though in reality they represent months of my life. But in another month or so I should be able to walk normally again... I'll finally be able to walk without pain, something I have never been able to do before.

This summer, my plans are to spend as much time as I possibly can exploring this area. I want to document everything I love about this town for my memories and so I can share with people I might meet in the life I have ahead of me.

What I am going to do after this summer is still in question. I don't really know what I want to do. My plan was to move to Louisiana and work in middle and high schools there. I wasn't sure if that was what I wanted to do either, but everyone I talked to about it acted like it was the best thing in the world to be doing. When I would tell them their eyes would open wider, maybe I got a small gasp, then an emphatic "Good for you!".

My mind was made up for me about that, though. So now I am searching for a place to be after this summer. Three months... I have three months to make up my mind.

Of course, I have a chorus of people telling me what I should want. Christopher Sunshine is rooting for the home team. He wants me to stay here and go to school, maybe get a job. He warns of the dangers of the real world without a degree, telling me stories about ruin and death. A certain someone wants me to visit him in Ethiopia. He says I should at least leave home- now is the time to travel and college will always be there when I am ready.

For now I am listening to both of them because both options appeal to me for very different reasons. I've signed up for college classes and I am looking for families to stay with abroad. At some point I will need to make a decision, I guess. I hate making decisions and as this seems like a very big life decision I am worrying more than usual.

Wish me luck.